I like to be busy. School is a blessing and a curse. It keeps me out of trouble, but makes my to do list endless. Benjamin just finished his first performance of Beauty and the Beast Jr. He loves being on stage, and having people watch him. He did a great job, and the scenery we painted turned out great.

Damon got a new job at a great school. We have already enrolled Benjamin in Kindergarten there. They are both excited for the new school year. Damon brought all of his school stuff home, so our house is a mess, but the new school will be a 9-month, five days a week position. I will have half the driving to do this year.

We have also decided to sell our home. We would love to move closer to where Damon and Benjamin will be at school. One of my friends has offered to help us. It will be a short sale, which is not ideal, but our only recourse at this point. Hopefully we will be able to find a nice place where we an truly put down roots.

I am working on learning ABA therapy with my two students. I love working with my kids, teaching music, and ABA tutoring are great jobs for me. I enjoy the work, and am hoping to tailor my Master's degree towards that end. Kids are challenging, and I have endured some long protests. It has greatly strengthened my patience, and improved my love and care of Benjamin.

We are enjoying the summer. When we have free time we swim, and we'll be taking a trip to visit with Damon's family soon. Life is always a challenge, and we are still waiting for our chance to adopt, but our life is full and fun for the meantime.

Doctor Who

We like Doctor Who. A lot. Damon jokes that I'm in love with David Tennant. I think that what appeals to me most is that he always gives the bad guy a choice, and even when all seems lost, he is happy and upbeat. I also like the tortured loneliness, it appeals to my desire to save things.

On that note, I have a problem. I want to save the world. I take other people's problems and make them my own. I take the problems of the world and make them my own, and then I get sick. As this week has evidenced. I have tried to help a friend, and learned again the very hard lesson that I cannot change anyone. Only the Spirit and the Lord can truly change another person's heart. I don't know why I can't get that through my head. I am even a Mental Health Counseling major. Maybe that's because I think if I have the knowledge, the expertise, maybe then people will listen to me, and I can really help. In the end though, we all get to choose, and most of the time we don't choose right. Even I make that mistake over and over. Good thing we can be forgiven, learn from the mistake and try again.

On a brighter note, I get to go back to school in April. I get to finish my Master's degree, which has me totally psyched. Tee hee.

Economics, family dynamics, and all that played a role in my decision to finish, but mostly I just love the learning. I love learning about people, how they think, and how to analyze that. There is a misconception that psychologists analyze those around them all the time. I think most psychologists actually spend most of their time analyzing themselves. My husband also jokes that all psychology majors are crazy, which in my case can be considered partly true. Taking on the problems of the world is a bit crazy, but noble.

In the end degrees, work, projects, other peoples projects are all just ways to bide time while I wait for the true project of adoption, and growing our family. I am not good at waiting, and this helps me bide the time a bit more patiently. Lest I get backlash from this, half my projects include Benjamin. However, he goes to school in the fall, and I am preparing for that time when I will not have him around to keep me busy. I have to be able to let him be himself and grow up without losing myself in his life. Damon is better at that than I, but he gets to go to work. He is defined by his work. Women are often defined by their children, and with only one, that is a scary thought. He is an amazing child, but I don't want to define him, nor be defined by him. We are individuals, and while I am his mother, he has his own choices, and life to lead. I want to facilitate that, not drive it. So projects, school, and world problems here I come. Benjamin is well on his way to being an amazing individual, and he doesn't need me to hover. Hopefully all this learning will make me that much of a better parent to him and the next child.

Music List

Just as a warning, some of the songs are from my friends playlist, and she's awesome, but she writes horror stories, and is quite successful at it. The songs from her are a little darker than my normal fare, but this is where I get to listen to them.

To read some of her writing, go to http://www.abrokenlaptop.wordpress.com It's not scary, gross horror. It's just twisty, and a little dark.


February is the month where we celebrate love. For Valentine's day, we went to a movie, Lightning Thief, on Friday, then on Sunday we made Valentine's for friends and visited them. I was going to simply doorbell ditch their homes, and leave them wondering who left them a gift, but it turned out to be much more fun to visit. We spent 3 hours at various homes, talking, playing and having fun. I'd do it every day, but then it would get old.

Damon is painting a mural on Benjamin's walls. He started with "Where the Wild Things Are", and will move on to Peter Pan soon. On the other wall, he's putting a city scape. It should be amazing when it's done, and I'll have to move furniture out of his room so we can enjoy it.

I have decided to finally go back and complete my Master's Degree. I started a year ago, then quit so I could do family stuff, and now it is time. In six months Benjamin goes to Kindergarten, and then I'll be able to focus on school, and do more classes at once. For now I'll start with one class in April, and enjoy the chance to learn and work within a stricter schedule.

I have had the spring cleaning  bug. In the last three weeks I've rearranged Benjamin's room, done our taxes, re-organized the kitchen, painted a couple walls in our room, gone through closets and donated or thrown out boxes of junk, sorted out all the past dated food storage stuff, shredded old documents that I don't need, rearranged bookshelves, and caught up on a bunch of little stuff that was waiting. It seems like a lot, but it really has only taken a few hours a day, as I am still parenting, teaching, and working at BBW.

Benjamin is getting so grown-up. He is super ready for school to start, but still loves to hang out with me. He can reliably write BEN, and he has gotten much better when it comes to creative play. He loves legos now and will spend hours building with them, and creating scenes. He sleeps with at least two-dozen stuffed animals. They are his friends, and at any given time can be found keeping him company, or roaming the house. He uses big words, and tries so hard to act grown-up, then breaks down and cries when things don't work out the way he wants them to. He finds pictures in clouds, the other day he saw one that looked like a dog, giraffe, or something else. He regularly asks me how I'm doing, and always needs hugs when I'm in the middle of something. He is also learning to read basic words, and I am teaching him piano now, which he is surprisingly focused and attentive for.


"That's totally awesome."
"The white bird at the store was acting all spazzy."
"130,000." - the number he uses when he wants to describe a lot.
"I'm too tired."
"That was hard work." - Used when I'm doing most of the work and he just isn't interested.
"That other day" = tomorrow.
"Never" - Used whenever he hasn't done something, or seen something within the last 5 seconds.
"I learned how to do that." - used whenever he does something new, even if it's making a silly face.

There are countless more, but as most mother's do, I forget. He is a good kid and mostly is the joy of my life. I just need to teach him to stay close when we go to stores. He thinks he's like Damon and I and can go look at what he wants, and that we'll just find him when we're ready.

This month is busy, but that keeps us learning and growing, so we wouldn't have it any other way. Well, maybe better sleep would be useful. :)

Catching Up

December was quite the month. Damon spent the whole month sick. He got salmonella food poisoning and spent 6 days in the hospital. After that we celebrated Christmas and birthdays. I was happy when it was over, and I spent a week resting and catching up. Added to that I worked at Bath and Body Works all month.

In January I was employed by Bath and Body Works on a part time basis. It is a fun job, and the extra cash is great for our expenses. I hope to move up in the ranks, just for fun. I like to progress and learn, and I'm confused/saddened by those that do not want the same things.

Benjamin is 5 now. We get to figure out which school to send him to, it's quite the challenge. Having parents that are teachers = picky school selection. We want Benjamin to be able to learn and develop in positive ways at school. I would home school him, except he is such a social little boy. He wants to go to school just like Daddy. Damon's old school has offered to allow us a zone variance, which is a great choice. If we have our way, he will go to Damon's school.  Hopefully Damon will move to a school closer to home. I have also looked at private schools, but I'd have to work a lot more hours to be able to afford that.

Teaching violin and piano is going well too. I made a lot more money this year than I expected, as our taxes demonstrate. I have lots of goals and things that I want to learn. January has been a month of exploring what is most important, and what fits best within the time that I have.

I have decided to put my doula career to the side for now. It just isn't feasible with the other jobs that I have. I can't expect to be able to leave home, cancel students, and get a replacement for Bath and Body Works on short notice. We planned for me to work on my Master's degree when Benjamin goes to school but now I'm not so sure that is the best plan. I would love to do a degree in ABA, or applied behavioral therapy.

The final analysis is that I have three priorities, 1. Church, 2. Home and Family, and 3. Work, which is mostly music. I need to finish my SAA training, and I need to work on a business plan for the Kid Farm. I was given the name of a group that helps people establish non-profit status and write business plans. I hope to get in contact with them starting in February. That way we can start writing grants and establishing programs. We hope to start with after-school activities, and then work towards a summer program, then a day program.

In the meantime, there is plenty to do at home. This month I need to paint the upstairs, re-seal the tub, work out the taxes, and help Benjamin with school and music. It is my goal to teach him to read before he gets to Kindergarten. If I'm lucky I'll also get our car fixed, buy a ticket to Chicago for May when Laura has her baby, and pay off the recent medical bills. Life is always busy.

Well, it's time to go back to work. House to clean, choirs to direct, and friends to call. I love my life, even when it's crazy busy. It's nice to have a full life. Only one thing is missing. We're still trying for more children, and the life that entails.