Illness is a part of life with small children, but it can be very difficult. Benjamin has bronchitis, and it took two visits to doctors to get it diagnosed which I find very frustrating. We all haven't been sleeping well because he coughs all night, but we finally have medication and he is sleeping better now. I would do anything to make his illness go away, but so much of that is time and getting the right medications. We have been sick a lot this year because of Joy School and Damons' profession we are exposed to all kinds of illnesses. We'll have to work more on preventative immunity. 

Church was interesting today. We were taught about fulfilling our callings, which is difficult when your family has experienced illness. Damon's gallbladder removal was successful, and he is finally feeling better, which should make life calm down quite a bit He should finally start to feel better after four years of stomach problems due to a broken gall bladder. It will be nice to have our dietary restrictions simplified. Health is always an issue for families, but ours has been a long journey. I don't want to be a fanatic, but more and more it is becoming necessary for us to eat organic, healthy foods just to maintain our style of living. The more I learn, the more I am convinced that diet has a big role in our health.

On a happier note. I got to play with my favorite "niece". Nina sleeps so peacefully with me, and she squealed happily when I took her from her mom. We go to class together while her mom teaches the teenage girls. It is nice to have a friend and she is so well-behaved. She will go to nursery soon, and that will be hard for me. I have a hard time watching Benjamin grow up too. In my mind I know it is a necessary part of development and that he has to grow up and become more independent, but sometimes I wish I could keep them little, sweet and innocent. It would be nice to be able to hold onto that part of them forever. I suppose that's why mom's take pictures and video, so when they are old and gone, we can look back and remember.


We are starting a blog because we are trying to adopt, and it gives all the wonderful birth mom's out there a look into our lives. So, here's our story:

We have a wonderful 4 year old son who loves other children. He asks us regularly where his "friends" are and means siblings. Unfortunately due to a condition called Adenomyosis we are unable to have more children. In fact at the ripe young age of 25 Natalie had to have a hysterectomy. We tried adopting through the state and fostered a wonderful child whom we had to send back home. It was heartbreaking to not be able to keep him, but we understood that he belonged to his mother if she wanted him enough to work to keep him. Natalie and Damon jointly decided that fostering simply to return a child to a broken home was not something our hearts could take yet, and we decided to adopt. We applied for special needs adoption, but were rejected due to misunderstanding between the social workers and my doctors. We tried to appeal their decision, but were told we had no recourse. So now we are working with LDS Family Services. 

Yesterday we talked to Birth Mom's who have given their children up for adoption. It was heartbreaking. On the one hand we feel a need to extend our family and add more children. We believe that we can provide a loving and happy home for children and we desperately want more. On the other hand we cannot escape the reality that we are taking another women's child away and that carries with it consequences for both the child and the birth mom. Open adoption was a major focus of this group, and while we believe that some level of openness is great, how do we become the parents with the "real" mom still around and loving her child. How do we create a family identity and a position of authority as parents if we aren't the only parents in the picture, and how do we explain to our precious son the facts and complexities of a situation like that. On the other hand openness carries with it risks. Our experiences in foster care have shown us that not all mothers are healthy and safe for children to be around and we must protect our families, so we will progress slowly and carefully.

Despite the complexities and challenges, I have dreamed of two blue eyed blonde haired girls that I love and cannot imagine living without, and there are also dreams of a boy and a girl searching for their home.  We have always wanted a big family and believe that our children are just supposed to come another way. How to equate that with reality is beyond me, but everything works out in the end of that I am sure.

So, whether you are a birth mom or another adoptive mom, or a friend, this site will chronicle our journey and our lives, and as we add one child at a time to our home you will be ale to know us and support us. Thus, through the magic of technology I am creating a whole new level of openness and availability.