We have a wonderful 4 year old son who loves other children. He asks us regularly where his "friends" are and means siblings. Unfortunately due to a condition called Adenomyosis we are unable to have more children. In fact at the ripe young age of 25 Natalie had to have a hysterectomy. We tried adopting through the state and fostered a wonderful child whom we had to send back home. It was heartbreaking to not be able to keep him, but we understood that he belonged to his mother if she wanted him enough to work to keep him. Natalie and Damon jointly decided that fostering simply to return a child to a broken home was not something our hearts could take yet, and we decided to adopt. We applied for special needs adoption, but were rejected due to misunderstanding between the social workers and my doctors. We tried to appeal their decision, but were told we had no recourse. So now we are working with LDS Family Services.
Yesterday we talked to Birth Mom's who have given their children up for adoption. It was heartbreaking. On the one hand we feel a need to extend our family and add more children. We believe that we can provide a loving and happy home for children and we desperately want more. On the other hand we cannot escape the reality that we are taking another women's child away and that carries with it consequences for both the child and the birth mom. Open adoption was a major focus of this group, and while we believe that some level of openness is great, how do we become the parents with the "real" mom still around and loving her child. How do we create a family identity and a position of authority as parents if we aren't the only parents in the picture, and how do we explain to our precious son the facts and complexities of a situation like that. On the other hand openness carries with it risks. Our experiences in foster care have shown us that not all mothers are healthy and safe for children to be around and we must protect our families, so we will progress slowly and carefully.
Despite the complexities and challenges, I have dreamed of two blue eyed blonde haired girls that I love and cannot imagine living without, and there are also dreams of a boy and a girl searching for their home. We have always wanted a big family and believe that our children are just supposed to come another way. How to equate that with reality is beyond me, but everything works out in the end of that I am sure.
So, whether you are a birth mom or another adoptive mom, or a friend, this site will chronicle our journey and our lives, and as we add one child at a time to our home you will be ale to know us and support us. Thus, through the magic of technology I am creating a whole new level of openness and availability.
